The hand that rocks the cradle

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By Elroy Riggs

While drinking coffee with some friends I was asked the question, “How come you write more about women than men?” The conversation escalated to the question, “Who is the smartest of the two sexes, men or women?” My answer was “watch the paper for an explanation.”

It was a woman that taught me to read. From women I learned the things of the heart; love, gentleness, friendship, patience and the value of hard work, dependability and steadiness.

Women, without a doubt, have had a far greater influence on my life than have men. Women have provided the most joy in my life. Women have caused me the most pain. They have scratched my back when it itched. They have rubbed my head when it hurt. They have dazzled my eyes, befuddled my brain and broken my heart.

It is true, in retrospect, that Adam would have been better off had he never laid eyes on Eve. But without her, Eden’s garden would have been nothing more than a lonely place in which to spend eternity. And the world never would have had Paula Deen.

In the first 20 years of a man’s life his mother is always wondering where he’s going. In the next 50 years his wife wonders where he’s been. Finally, when he dies, his friends wonder where he’s at.

Women have cooked my favorite food like my mother cooked her cornbread in a four-corner pan, which provided four crusty, delicious end pieces. At that time, we always kept a Jersey cow. Jersey cows produce the richest milk and butter of all cows. To this day I have tasted very little of anything that was better than one of those end pieces from my mother’s cornbread, lavished with a hunk of hand-churned, homemade butter.

About the wiser of the sexes? Suppose there had been three wise women instead of three wise men that followed the star of Bethlehem to see the newborn king. They probably would have brought a casserole and a broom and cleaned up the place. And I feel sure they would have brought more appropriate gifts.

•Elroy Riggs is a Campbellsville resident. He occassionally writes columns for the Central Kentucky News-Journal.